“It looks like I ate you”!
I said, as she handed me her phone for a closer look at the picture just snapped. We were in Tootsies. The world famous Nashville bar. It was last November. We were throwing a few down before crossing the street to The CMAs (Country Music Awards).
What Fun! I had planned a surprise road trip for my baby sister’s 40th. Unfortunately our older sister could not swing – Or it would have been Thelma, Louise & Louise! (of course I’m Thelma) I picked her up on a Monday Morning after dropping the kids off at school. I was in my home pressed “Thelma” Shirt. You could hardly make out “T H E L M A” as it was stretched to the limit across my at the time ginormous jugs.
I gave her the custom made roadtrippen’ “Louise” shirt and we drove off into the lovely day- break. Free of 2 husbands, 4 dogs, 1 snake, 1 lizard, 1 horse and 5 kids! Ahhhh sweet freedom!
I remember feeling pretty P-diddy on that trip as in “Puff Daddy”! My fat jeans were uncomfortable. My bazoombas were bursting out of my maximum, double D, government issued, minimizer. I was uncomfortable in everything I put on. My face swollen. What a rotten feeling! I was pissed I felt so puffed. Why couldn’t i have lost some weight before this awesome trip. It was too important not to feel my best! When I was younger I was much better at this “destination dieting”. If i had a spring break to make – i’d easily drop 15 – 20 pounds. But as the years and the pounds pile on that shit don’t fly! That shit, my friend, hangs on for dear life!
I would gaze lovingly at my petite (still can’t believe we scored a petite in the family), sweet, beautiful little sister and think…… “Bitch Puhleeze”! I mean look at my head – it’s so big compared to hers – my boobs (well – I’ll take my boobs – just not those super sized uncontainable blobs ). Part for Part she could have literally fit inside me with room for a thick layer of bubble wrap to protect her from the after shock that followed each step I took.
Yep, all puffed up and everywhere to go! I may have felt puffy but it’s amazing how a few Miller Lites and a couple Sailor Jerry’s bring your swagger back and the Cowboys a callin’! See my “Confidence – Drop it Like it’s Hot”!
It was a road trip to remember! And – I can’t wait to do it again this year! Only this year I hope to look at the recently snapped picture and think “Smoke ’em If You Got ‘Em – Cuz This One’s On Fire”! Now that sounds like a new country hit….One that I’m writing and I’ll tell you, it does NOT end with me swallowing my little sister whole!