“Griswold’s Got Nothin’ on Me”

ImageWhat I Learned on my 46 Hour Road Trip

From St. Lou thru the Hills of SD and the Bad Lands to visiting Family in Dell Rapids SD

1. I can and did give stress eating a beating – not in 10 days did I break.

I’m a stress eater from way back when.  Something will set me off and I’ll reach for sweet then salty and then sweet then salty then….. you get the sick pic.  You know what happens when you binge like an banshee you bitch like a banshee.  You feel worse than the crap you ate! If you were stressed before now your not only stressed for the original reason – your super stressed because you failed your body again.  Your angry!  Make that pissed!  Your a raging bitch to those around you and you just can’t wait to waddle off to bed.  But you’re uncomfortable in bed because you fricken’ ate like it was the Last Supper hosted by a Seven Eleven.  And, Lord help your man,  if the poor bastard lovingly reaches over and ever so lightly touches your back with the hope of a loving response in return.  Oh he’d get a loving response all right…..I’d bite off his fricken hand….mmmm salty!  Now where’s my HO HO!

Sorry about that tangent – the point is we traveled with my Mother – two children and new 9 month old puppy in 100 plus weather to my husband’s home town of Dell Rapids, SD to the Hills of SD and then back to spend time with my in-laws in Dell Rapids….A lot of time.  Was there some stress involved – now you tell me?  Did I break….Hell No!

2. Have ….Low fat cheese sticks, hard boiled eggs, beef jerky and unsweetened ice tea – will travel.

Road trippin’ ?  Pack wisely!  I packed my summer staple (Hard Boiled Eggs) in a little cooler along with my low fat cheese sticks.  I also packed some turkey roll ups on low carb wheat tortillas for the rest of the family.  There was no need to hit our usual drive thru.  You know it used to be when I road trip the gas station gorges would be my reward.  Usually a Heath bar and maybe a bag of Bugles  were my trophies and I would wash it down with a Starbucks Vanilla Frappe’.  Oh and I would try and find the perfect long lasting road tripper gripper…you know – like a Slow Poke or a bag of Werthers – something that would last a couple hundred miles!   I still like to browse the different pit stops as if they are some sort of museum and I’m going to find some rare treasure there – that i just can’t buy anywhere else- but now I walk away with an unsweetened ice tea (Splenda) and my trophy is a low fat, high protein piece of beef jerky.  Let’s just say I’m much happier when I arrive at my destination and not nearly as disfigured.

3. In laws that set out bowls of M&Ms daily – really aren’t evil bitches from Hell – they are just gracious hostesses.

I watched my husband swipe a handful of those damn M&Ms 4x in 10minutes and it wasn’t even 8am.  He must have been stressed too.  I played it like a contest – I looked at those colorful happy inviting bastards and said “ahhh go fuck yourself”  Image

4. I really can just eat 4 M&Ms in a 5 day stay.

What can I say…”I won!”

5. Less food means less Miller Lite needed to take the edge off.

Hey it just simple math.  I knew I needed that Miller Lite if I was to survive.  My helpings of the sides were small even tiny.   Portions baby!  I made sure i got my protein in my chicken, steak or pork and my carbs – well let’s just say I drank those babies!

6. My daughters neon craft duct tape can be used to hold on a knocked off rear view mirror.

I told you the Griswold’s had nothing on me!

7. Check all rear view mirrors before backing up an unfamiliar drive way.

That was Greg – Not me!  So flippen glad it was his ass!

8. My mom whom we call Zsa Zsa (with good reason) really can go with the flow.

She did great! With the exception of the morning of the fourth – which would have been my dad’s 70th birthday.  We escaped to the only place open for breakfast – Subway – We sobbed over our Sunrise Melts on English Muffins with egg white (under 300 cals and very tasty).   We had a good cry, hit the grocery store for goods to make our dishes for the party and returned.  She really did enjoy the trip and I was so glad she came. (Are you reading this mom? – I really am so glad you came and don’t worry I’m going to mention how everyone thought you were a movie star trying to hide out from the paparazzi).  People in the small town thought she was a movie star.  She really is beautiful and let’s just say she is one of those woman that would never think of leaving the house without full make up. Hence Zsa Zsa. ( look ma – I didn’t even use the F- word in your paragraph).  

9. In my head, my backside, looks sooooo much better than it does in pictures.

You can’t believe how fuckin’ good I look (in my head).  I was shocked how that camera distorted my ass.

10. I love my head!

Some say my parents instilled too much confidence in me as a child.  I say they are probably right – but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And how was your trip?


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