Well, I’ll tell you what we ain’t! We ain’t “Skinny Bitches”. And we never will be. But have no fear….that doesn’t mean we won’t or don’t have the outward appearance of being a fit and fab stone cold fox! It just means that we’ve had to fight a fierce battle for every fricken’ quarter pound(er) dropped. A Skinny Bitch doesn’t know what it feels like to walk (and occasionally jog) our path of ups and downs and ups again. A Skinny Bitch has never known the feeling of almost being able to take flight with the simple movement of a jumping jack. Look, we know what the fuck to do! We’ve all done it before – that’s what makes us true Jiggly Bitches. I don’t know what the fucking problem is – I don’t know why when we know what it feels like to feel so good that we lose control again. But it fucking happens – again and again. My weight has been up and down more than Monica Lewinsky’s head in the oval office. And, the thought of starting over yet again seems nearly unthinkable. All those ups and downs and ups and downs and ups are exhausting. I mean come on, Monica and I, are flippen’ tired already! I’ve tried everything – all the eazy peazy Kardashian sleazy quick trim, slim quick, goddess wanna be fixes. I even bought a book called “Skinny Bitches”. It turned out to be nothing more than an animal activist, vegan lifestyle pitch filled with propaganda authored by a former model and former Model Agent. Can you say “duped”? Look, we know the quick fix shit doesn’t work! And a vegan lifestyle isn’t happening for this bitch. We know what we have to do. I thought just maybe in my crazy ass head – if we united together to encourage one another and share our successes, likes, dislikes – we could find our fit, fab, smokin’ hot, Jiggly ass selves once again and day by day give it a nice life long stay! I’m not sure how this will work as I don’t even know how to find you JBs. I am hoping that you find my Jiggly ass…as it should be easy – I’m currently on the up swing and my ass is draggin’ the dirt at the bottom of the see-saw. Grab your Jiggly Bitch friends and let’s start NOW (we are not waiting to start our asses Monday – if you’re reading this – your starting right now with me – hear me bitch?! Yes, the sisterhood of the misunderstood. Jiggly Bitches Unite! Together we can do this thing! With Love Laughter & Happily Ever After.
– Queen of the Jiggly Bitches (Princess on a Good Day).
ps – no disrespect to my girl Monica. I’m pretty sure she’s one of us.